my Toms Shoes

weeeeeeeee!!!
my toms are finally HERE!

GOOGLE

whenever people ask me what my dream is
i tell them that i wanna be the ceo of google, yahoo and apple
which is obviously quite impossible

i finally switched over to chrome
downloaded google earth
and in the process of figuring out how i can switch fm xanga to blogger

chrome is ok
there're websites that take forever to load
and websites that don't work for chrome
i was thinking bout deleting both firefox and IE on my computer
i think i should at least keep IE just in case

but
google earth is crazy!
im traveling the world with this thing!
climbing mountains
sailing the ocean
visiting home (yea.. i searched for my home in hong kong)
walking around chambana
it's great!

sex and the city

i just stayed up all night multitasking
aka being unproductive
much fun
writing my one page proposal for a paper
my one page summary for an advertising homework
updated my summary
and watched the entire movie

sex and the city had so many product placements
i stopped counting after mac, LV, gucci, and dior
consuming culture
we are defined by consumption
the society relays on consumption
think about all the news around thanksgiving time and christmas time
the sales has gone down this year = economy is crap
the sales went up by blah blah percent
we are doing amazing this year

i think i should go to bed
will finish this post later

they're not

it's all my fault. i shouldn't be so vulnerable, shouldn't expose myself, shouldn't trust others so easily. they're friends, not family. the person you thought is your best friend can betray you. the person who knows she's supposed to keep everything you tell her a secret, tells the world what you said. we're humans. we all care about what is the most beneficial to us.

i worked so hard for iv
because i believed in a lie for 2 years
and it took me 2 years to figure out
that i dont belong there

iv has hurt me enough
i deserve to be in a community
where people care for me
because i do the same for them
i deserve to be in a community
where i'm valued

there were times when i wanted to leave
but god said you're not going anywhere
you're staying, and i stayed
i worked my butt off through the frustrations i had
the bitterness i had
the anger i had
because i cared

i cared enough to fast and pray for the first time
i cared enough to go talk to people even though
there was a chance that they might end up hating me

but it's different this time
what you guys did hurt so much
i dont even know how to describe it
pain of being betrayed
it's the first time that i got hurt like that
and it will be the last

im not jesus
im not god
i dont have unconditional love

it's a long long journey

i worked so hard for iv
because i believed in a lie for 2 years
and it took me 2 years to figure out
that i dont belong there

iv has hurt me enough
i deserve to be in a community
where people care for me
because i do the same for them

im not jesus
im not god
i dont have unconditional love
it's hard to keep going
when i dont see my rewards
after i work my butt off

go on
keep on selecting those who seem
perfect
those who seem
problem free
those who look like the
amazing christians
to help you gorw your community

leave out those who dont agree with you
leave out those who are willing to voice their opinions
leave out the imperfect and broken christians
put them in the attic and "pray" for them
that they'll one day learn to be "obedient"
that they'll one day become your robots

if you believe that im not needed
because you have many other robots who obey your orders
you got what you want

im done
goodbye iv

I'm going barefoot today. Join Me

can you imagine walking into a pubic bathroom barefoot? Walking around campus Saturday or Sunday early morning when there are glasses on the ground? Do you know that when some of us girls have over 10, 20, 30 pairs of shoes, there are kids around the world who walk barefoot every single day of their lives? You want to pretend that you don't know what's going on? Keep pretending. Keep being oblivious, if you have the ability of bury your guilt.


When I tell people that I'm an Advertising major, there are usually two reactions: "that's an interesting major" or "so you are one of those who help build the evil consumerism machine". Sad, isn't it. That's what people think of advertising. I couldn't help but think what my future will be after I graduate. Am I going to be joining the force of promoting alcohol sales and cigarettes sale and how much clothes and shoes and how many purses and named brands we need? There are more important issues in the world that we should care about. And those issues are definitely not did I get the newest $3000 LV purse, am I wearing the $500 Jimmy Choo shoes, how do I become more like the 4 girls in the Sex and the City. If you are a girl who just has to buy shoes (it's ok, I'm one of those too), get TOMS. You get a new pair and someone in need gets a pair too. When Sheldon asked the class: will you work on alcohol or cigarette accouts? Will you work in agencies with those accounts? I clearly remember shaking my head for both, no, a definite no. Advertising has the great power to influence millions and even trillions of people, and I want to spread the good.

God and God Alone

Psalm 27:4 (New International Version)

 ⁴ One thing I ask of the LORD,
       this is what I seek:
       that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
       all the days of my life,
       to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
       and to seek him in his temple.

God is good!! God is beautiful!! God is amazing!!
Power of prayer is so strong!
These past 2 weeks have been crazy learning experience.
I always thought that I won't be able to clear my thoughts and listen to God,
but since last Sunday, I've able to.
It's like my entire brain only thinks about God, and God only,
all of me is filled with the Holy Spirit.
Peace. Overwhelming amount of peace.

I still don't have the answer yet,
more prayers needed.
But I know it will come.


I cried when I'm filled with the Spirit.
It started from the 1st mission trip I went to with SBBC.
Remember that I was crying so hard that I started feeling numb and was shaking?
Then you guys prayed for me,
and God was telling me that I was crying because God was crying.
God was crying for the lack of His presence, the emptiness.
Tears.

Still has a long day to go.
Still need more Holy Spirit.

Fill me up!
Holy Spirit, come!
Come like a flood!

what is my calling

it was a beautiful day
i walked out the door
and went to the meeting
i was praising god on my way
how majestic he is
how awesome he is

......

a meeting that ruined my day
maybe it was a sign
an answer to the struggle i had this past week
maybe

i remember quad day my frosh year
i was so excited when i saw the booth
i was screaming all over the place
like i just own the lottery
all the excitement
all the hope and vision i had

for 2 years
i care
i care so much
i care so much that i cried when i saw brokenness
i got frustrated when i saw brokenness 
i don't remember how many times i've cried
i don't remember how many frustrations i've had
i cried with my sister in christ when we were praying
asking god for change
asking god for revival

there were times when i couldn't see light anymore
and i wanted to quit
then god said
no, you're not quitting
there are lessons i want you to learn
so i stayed
i stayed
and i learned a lot
it was a slow and painful learning journey
but the little tiny fruit tasted very good, very sweet

stay?
or leave?

GOD
I NEED YOU
I NEED YOU
I NEED YOU
CUZ I CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S AHEAD OF ME
IT'S DARK
IT'S ABSOLUTE DARKNESS
LORD
I NEED YOU

urbana 09

Urbana 09!! I've been waiting for this since high school.
Worshiping God and learning more about Him with over 20,000 people.
I can't imagine how that will look like.
I can't think of how much Holy Spirit and angels will be around.
I can't wait to get a tiny glimpse of what heaven looks like.
I AM READY, URBANA09!